What you do for others around you, you do for yourself. What you do for others around you, leads them to do for others around them, which, like a boomerang, will end up benefiting you and those you love as well. We are all here for each other, and we all affect each other, whether we realize it or not. The more you do for the good of the whole, the better the world will be.
   
Zantamata, Doe (2012-01-18). Happiness in Your Life - Book One: Karma (pp. 83-84).  

I miss my boy.
I miss his anger,
and his joy.

Each of us has been given gifts and talents. Our combinations of gifts are unique to us. Though we may look at others and think we may never be “as good as” they are in something, or that “we’re better than” someone else in something else, those comparisons really do not have anyone’s best interest in mind. It’s kind of like saying, “That grand piano will never drive as fast as that sports car.” Well of course it won’t, it wasn’t designed for driving. It was designed to play beautiful music. Rather that feeling blue about what we do not have or who we are not, we can learn to appreciate what we do have and exactly who we are. It just requires a shift of focus. If your passion and talent is in one area, even if the area doesn’t seem to be practical, it’s important that you develop your talent and enjoy it as much as you can. People around you can benefit from it, and most millionaires and billionaires were made because they had a passion for a certain thing and a career or business formed around that passion. The world may not need another chef, or another party planner, or another actor. But the world really doesn’t need another anything. There are plenty of people to fill all the roles in society. What the world DOES need, is more passion and joy. When you love doing something, and you share it with people around you, thethe joy is contagious. You can inspire other people to get more active in what they love doing, whether it’s the same as you or not. To use your gifts and celebrate them is an incredible display of humility as it shows that these gifts are appreciated and were given to the right person.

Zantamata, Doe (2012-01-18). Happiness in Your Life - Book One: Karma (p. 14).  . Kindle Edition.

"They say that everyone dies two times. Once, when they stop breathing, and a second time, a while later...when their name is spoken for the very last time...."

I read this, and I cannot stop thinking about it. I say your name each and everyday many many times, out loud and in my head. Now, after reading this, I will say the roll call out loud every time I think of someone that I have loved and lost.

 I cant breathe from missing you Frankie.

Jackie was sleeping over last night. I couldnt sleep, and got up and went into your room to paint for a bit. I have been feeling uninspired lately...but, last night I TORE into a page, and was working at a fever pitch. Then, I laid down in your old bed (for a minute), and was out until Pops came in at 6am with Jackie piggybacking! Not a bad way to wake up. I am trying to do more of my own art, instead of collaging. I am afraid, but am watching a new artist I love, Gisele Grenier. She does unedited sessions, and I love her narrative. I have learned so much already. I want to paint my own worlds. I am afraid, but I know I will break through. I am afraid of mistakes, and fear that I may discover that I have no talent. I know we all have talent, and I like my collage work...but I want my OWN work to express myself. I feel it might be harder than I thought to break that barrier. But, I keep watching videos, and shuffling my own feet. But, its a process, right, my boy? I know you are there with your green light, and love, and support. I miss you so much, Frankie. I miss you so much, it is so physically painful. I never knew grief could be so painfully complex, and all consuming...You are in everything I see, do and am. In all things, there you are. You always will be....

I was in your room, doing my art. I looked at the door and got up and walked over to it. Under the shirts, and scarves, are the pants you wore on that last day. They still had the belt in the loops. I sobbed, as I grabbed them and held them to me. They still smell like you, and it is profoundly heartbreaking to smell the "you" that is forever gone. I miss you, my son. I dont want this life without you. I know things can never be as they were, but I still pray that this is all a mistake, or a dream, and I will wake up. I plead with the universe, everyday. In soft whispers, I repeat over and over, "please....please..." It is my mantra. I love you, my brown eyed boy....for eternity. -Mama

I make the brass bowl sing three times every morning before I walk out the door. I hit it three times, and blow you a kiss and tell your picture that I love you. I have to get the door shut before the last vibration disappears. Its a morning ritual...I miss you so much, my son. Its unbearable...